For two nights my boyfriend didn’t call me before I went to bed to say “good night” to me. We talked and texted each other a few times earlier during the day however that wasn’t enough to appease me. I was furious with him. Granted, I never discussed with him the importance of us talking just before I went to bed. It was rare we didn’t speak to each other just before going to bed so I assumed he knew how I felt.

I reflected on my thoughts and fears and I was curious as to why this angered me. During my meditation, I was triggered with some subconscious fears I stored from many years ago when I was engaged to a mafiosa whose Godfather brother forbid us from being together. A phone call became our way of loving, romancing and staying connected. A phone call was the only way I knew he was safe during times when mafiosa’s had contracts out on his life.

My boyfriend not calling me to say good night touched upon old unhealed wounds that were crying out for me to heal. By over reacting to not getting a good night call I was bringing my past into my present. This revelation caused me to cry non stop for a while. I was happy I was brave enough to release old fears that kept me paralyzed and caused me to over react.

Had I focused solely on my boyfriend not being sensitive to my needs then I wouldn’t have challenged myself to see where I was the root of my distress. I could easily say my boyfriend was being insensitive to my needs if I had expressed to him it was important for us to speak just before falling asleep.

This situation caused memories from past relationships where I had the same angry behavior because I didn’t receive a phone call when I felt one was warranted. In the past,  I pushed people away by making such a big deal over a phone call I didn’t get. I learned another lesson about being clear with people about my wants and needs as well as being clear about why I am reacting the way I do.

My boyfriend apologized for being insensitive to my needs and I apologized to him for not being clear about what’s important to me and for punishing him for something he wasn’t aware of.

This situation bought my boyfriend and me closer together. I allowed myself to feel vulnerable as I cried in his arms while I released the knots of fear I carried in my subconscious for years about my former fiancé being harmed. It’s powerful freeing for me to own my own stuff!

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